{I encourage you to first read my previous post, I believe Jesus….but I really believe Satan.}
“Christina, look at me. Look at me!”
The shame I felt from believing lies is too much that I can’t hold Brett’s gaze. He takes my face in his hands to force me not to look away. His face is blurry since the tears can’t stop and I’m shaking. I know what he’s about to do. Because the roles have been reversed in his moments of being overcome with lies and fear. He drops his hands and opens his Bible and starts reading in Psalms. He reads one chapter, then another. He doesn’t stop. My tears do. I take a deep breath. My body relaxes in his presence and my Father’s Words. Calmness. Peace. Brett finally stops after he senses an evident change in my demeanor from being free of the tormenting lies.
He holds me. Prays. Then lets me rest. The Truth pushed out the lies that were swirling throughout my mind like Hurricane Irma on her way to destroy Florida.
When you are at the end of your own strength…when you are so low that you can’t do anything but look up…when you want to give up fighting…give into Satan’s temptations…you do the only thing you have the strength to do in that moment…cry out to Jesus. So I did. And because there is power in the name of Jesus, I said His name over and over and over again.
My strength starts to return as I whisper His name. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this. Get up, Christina! You know what Satan is doing! You know these are lies! Yes, I’m done with his games!”
And so I got up. There is one answer…Truth. I have to start living out what God says to be true. Even if right now in this moment I don’t really believe it because my actions are not in sync with who God’s Word says I am. There came a turning point when I finally understood that my mind needed to be renewed or I would never change my behavior. Oh, I have Romans 12:2 memorized, “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind…,” but as I wrote in my previous post, my practical theology on this truth was not being applied. Then began my quest for really believing Truth. Being consumed with it. Hungering. Thirsting. More and more. The Word of God coming alive right off the pages of my Bible every time I opened it…
And here started my quest for Truth…wait for it…reading the Bible every day. “What? No way, Christina!?” Ok…I’m being sarcastic but answer me this: Do you really believe that the Word of God has answers for every question? Circumstance? Problem? Temptation? Wound? Joy? Peace? Hope? Because if we really believed it… we would be consumed daily, hourly with it. No, we don’t really believe this to be true:
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16
Remember what Edward T. Welch says in Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave: “When our desires conflict with Scripture, human beings do not always live according to what we say we believe. We can say we believe one thing, but our lives betray other allegiances…It’s as if we practice two different religions. We believe one thing, but really believe another.”
We say the Bible has all the answers, but our second religion has become Google. Social Media. News. Pinterest. Friends. Celebrities. Health and wellness. Programs. Pastors. Literal Religion. Speakers. Bloggers. Books. Movies. Music. Coffee (yep for all you “I need Jesus and coffee” peeps 😉 ) …on and on…
Even if these mediums are saturated with the Word of God, they should only be supplemental, not our primary source to find Truth. Our actions reveal who we believe by who we choose to listen to first. And if opening up the Bible is not our first response, then we really don’t believe that it gives us “all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him” (1 Peter 1:3). Many of the above have been an influence in my growth and learning more as I seek Truth (which you will see as you continue to read), but it can never replace the actual, literal words of God. His words only have power, no other words.
Also, if we believed this to be true, reading the Bible wouldn’t be on our daily to-do list. As my pastor recently said, “Duty is not delighting.” Before, I read it out of duty. Now, I read it because I am convinced that I cannot live without it. Because in order to overcome lies I have to know who Truth is… His character. The more I look at Him and know Him deeply and passionately, the more I can perceive the lies and deceptions…the distance between light and darkness…and the gray in-between that Satan uses to cause us to doubt.
One way that has helped me is journaling. At the start of the summer, my mentor challenged me to read through Psalms. I actually had already been reading a Psalm a day for a couple of years now. However, she said to specifically journal what each Psalm says about who God is. Writing it down helps me comprehend and apply the practical theology of Truth instead of only reading and moving on. I pray over each Psalm, praising God for that specific character trait, thanking Him for what He has done, and applying the words to my own circumstance, temptation, fear, lie.
It’s easy to read, pray, and then rush on to the next thing in my day and fail to take the Truth of what I learned with me. Therefore, if I need to soak in and be reminded of a particular passage, I leave my Bible open to that page on my bed. If you are like me, my bedroom tends to be my escape room. If I need to get away, take a deep breath, have a good cry, “hide” from my children (even for 1 minute!)…you will find me there. And how much encouragement, hope, and refreshment I have found when I walk in my bedroom and see my Bible open. His words bring comfort and focus. I can walk out ready to fight again.
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105
I also set my phone lock screen to Scripture memes that I need to renew my mind with when I’m struggling with a specific lie and need reminded of the Truth.
I previously wrote a post that we cannot do life alone. When the lies become too much to bear, someone else comes to my rescue by speaking Truth over me and releasing me from the black mesh of darkness. The example story of Brett at the beginning is real. And sadly has happened more than once. Yet, I have felt the power of God’s Word in my darkest and lowest moments as Scripture is being read over me. Light shows up more in darkness, and since Jesus is the Word (John 1:1), I have felt Him there with me.
We need each other to be vessels of speaking Truth. My relationship with my mentor has grown significantly as we have made it our goal to try to meet every other week. I pour out my heart and share my struggles, temptations, sins, victories, lessons God is teaching me, etc. And yes, as a more experienced woman who has walked in my shoes before me, she shares her own life lessons. But these times together are not a vent session and for her to pat my hand and tell me she understands. Her response is always first bringing me to what the Word says. She immediately opens the Bible to a passage, turns it around and tells me to read it out loud. This is what God says. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts. She knows it’s the Word that will change me. Not her words. No matter what we talk about, she constantly brings me back to Truth. And I always leave her home with peace, hope, and confidence to keep up the good fight.
Not only having someone fight for me by speaking Truth over me, but turning around and speaking it back to someone else has tremendous power over lies. When I speak or write it out, I hear it again. It makes it more real and alive than keeping it only in my head. This is another reason I journal and even blog. Journaling is where you can be real and raw with God. No one reads it. Only Him and He listens. In fact, the Spirit speaks to me often as I’m journaling. Many times my entry starts with frustrations, fear, struggles, confessing of sin, and ends with a revelation of truth, hope, peace, and thanking and praising God for who He is and what His Spirit is doing in my heart and life. This is how David wrote many of his Psalms. If you take a peek, you’d see that some of my journal entries look like modern day Psalms. (Read Psalm 22 as an example.)
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?” Psalm 22:1
And when I sit down to write a blog post, it brings so much healing to me because I’m recalling to mind the Truth of who God is and what He has done. This is why I write. I have thought of making something more of this blog, whether trying to monetize it, hone in on writing about something specific (I laugh because it’s called Varvelicious because my original plan was to write more about nutrition… for those of you wondering about the name!), promote myself, “sell” it to get more readers… ya know… make myself a “real” blogger. But if you read my post, I’m Giving Up, God has told me no and to just write as He tells me to. And I know why. Because this is a crucial part of my sanctification process. Yet, I am humbled with the response of those that read my posts and how God has used them. Therefore, my goal is for my writing to be saturated with Truth, and I pray that lives can be encouraged as I am a vessel to type out His Words on my laptop.
“I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you.” Psalm 22:22
Reading, writing, and speaking God’s Words has renewed my mind with Truth and ultimately changed my actions. Yet, when I’m lying in bed and can’t sleep, or I’m driving, or a child is throwing a fit, or a trigger of past pain hits in an unexpected way, or Satan is dangling temptation in an area of weakness, I may not always be able to get my Bible out and find the Truth that needs to attack the lie, fear, doubt, or temptation in that moment. This is why memorizing Scripture is crucial. Jesus is the ultimate example of recalling Scripture to mind when Satan tempted Him in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11). The more we hide it in our hearts, the more we will be able to apply practical theology to our everyday lives, and therefore not sin (Psalm 119:11).
Therefore, my mentor has inspired and challenged me to get back to memorizing. I write passages on cards that I can take around with me to read over and over. Then, when I’m lying in bed beating myself up for the mistakes I made that day, or I’m driving and my mind can’t shut off from fear or doubt, or I want to…um….yell back and lose my temper at my child, or I’m about to give in to that temptation that I can easily justify, the Word of God comes to mind and fights for me! The power of Truth wipes away my guilt, chases away my fear, reminds me I have access to the fruit of patience, and gives me strength to violently say NO! and walk away from sin.
“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11
My mentor’s example of memorizing and immediately speaking God’s Word to me is an example to follow. Now, when I have a friend share her struggles, fears, temptations, or lies, I want to be able to do the same for her. Not a paraphrase of what I remember or think the Bible says, but “this is exactly what God says.” We can never argue with that.
And I have found this to be true when a dear friend recently asked for prayer over a situation. In the past, I know I have failed by initially responding with my own words, experience, and emotions (which can be helpful)! But now I first try to respond with Truth from God’s words, not my words. Later, she told me how my text with Scripture influenced her to make right choices in a conflict she had to face that day, which she was extremely nervous about. In fact, she screenshot my text to pull it up immediately when she needed it. And I can walk away humbled that it is the power of Truth and praying Truth over her that won that battle!
These are only a few examples of the ways that I seek and thirst after Truth. I also read books that expound God’s Word, listen to worship music, play podcasts of sermons, worship dance to music that is speaking to me, and read inspiring blogs.
It’s more than listening. It’s more than duty. It’s being consumed. A constant state of hungering and thirsting. Not being satisfied with anything else except His Word. The more Truth I really believe, the less I believe lies because I can clearly decipher the deception from Satan that he is flooding my life with everywhere I turn. The light of Truth shines out the darkness. It’s obvious. Not murky like Satan makes it to trap us.
And once Truth comes alive, you find yourself wanting nothing to do with darkness. You turn on the TV and instead of staying immune to it all, you find it hard to choose anything to watch that will bring life when it’s filled with sex, profanity, or glorifying lifestyles and behaviors that do not stand with Truth…
You are drawn to friendships where you spend more time talking about Jesus than the latest gossip…
You hear stories of another fetus aborted, a child sex-trafficked, porn statistics, poverty, orphans, abuse, murder, riots, souls in need of Jesus…and you can’t help but stop to cry out to God for justice and mercy and then go do something about it to show the love of Jesus…
Instead of being numb to the sin in your own life, repeating them over and over, you are weeping at Jesus’ feet over the things he hates and making decisions to do whatever is necessary to repent even if it hurts…
And the next time temptation knocks at your door, you are ready. In fact, you can already determine Satan’s next move. He’s been around since the beginning of mankind. Our struggles are nothing new to him. But now that I am committing to really believe Truth and understand Satan and his darkness better than ever up against the light, I’m ready for his next lie. His next beautiful enticement. I no longer want to be on the floor in defense mode with my arms over my head as he attacks. My battle plan is standing in offense with the Word of God in my mind, my heart, my hand, my home.
This is evidence of the power of Truth attacking, fighting, destroying the black mesh of lies, deception, and fear with a vengeance. Violently. Fervently. Urgently. Warrior-minded.
So get up, friend, and stand with me. Because the devil then has nothing left to do but flee… when we have submitted ourselves to Truth (James 4:7).
“Then I can answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in Your word.” Psalm 119:4
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